“Your intelligence stopped at the third grade of elementary school” Sapporo rapper (28) with an intellectual disability writes about “the sadness of living as a disabled person”

Extract Bunshun via Yahoo! Japan

May 18 2025

Sapporo, Hokkaido – “Your intelligence stopped at the third grade of elementary school” — the rapper and comedian from ‘Sapporo’s Gag Man’ from Sapporo, (28), was told these shocking words by a teacher in the summer of his first year of junior high school. He was diagnosed with intellectual disability and panic disorder. How did his life change after his disability was discovered? Here is an excerpt from his new book, “Not Normal: Why I’m a Rapper, Even though My Intelligence Stopped in Third Grade” (Saitosha)

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The results of the test were…

After the test, I went to lunch with my mom. It had been a long time since we had gone out together.

We had a loco moco bowl on the terrace overlooking the soccer field, looking at the beautiful grass. To be honest, I didn’t really taste anything. I’m sure my mom didn’t either. But we both praised the loco moco bowl as if we were trying to act cool. If we didn’t, we would have gone crazy.

Neither my mom nor I said anything about the test. But we both knew what the results would be.

While I was away in the bathroom, my mom called.

“Haruki’s intelligence has been found to be impaired.”

My mother immediately called my brother and told him the results. When I came back from the bathroom, I took a picture of the situation from a little distance away. I don’t know why I did that. I was probably in a state of panic.

I could barely hear her voice, but I immediately understood what she was talking about. Because she was crying like crazy.

The diagnosis was intellectual disability and panic disorder.

I realized then and there that I was disabled.

“Am I going to go to a special class?”

I asked my mother on the train on the way home.

“Haruki, you don’t have to try to be something you’re not anymore. You can live a comfortable life…”

After saying that, my mother turned her face away.

“Haruki’s intelligence stopped at the third grade of elementary school.”

He can’t go to the same classroom as everyone else anymore. If he does go, it will be in a special support class. I didn’t even have to imagine how people would look at me if that happened.

The fake cheerfulness I’d been trying so hard to maintain had finally reached its limit.

I cried my eyes out on the train.

“Haruki’s intelligence is stuck at the third grade of elementary school.”

Later, my mother was called to the school and received an official report.

Should I put him in a special needs class?

I decided to think about it alone for a while. I was told not to come to school until I decided to transfer. My days of spending all day at home playing Power Pro and daydreaming were back. It was like I was back in my hellish elementary school days. These days continued for about a week.

Shinjo, who I admired, was a superstar even in the game world. Seeing that, I remembered. I wanted to be popular with everyone. I just wanted to make the people around me laugh. And the person I wanted to laugh the most was my mother. I didn’t want to cause her any trouble.

“I’m going to a special needs class.”

After thinking about it, I told my mother.

I thought that if I did that, I could make my mother’s life a little easier.

My classmates who bullied me, saying “Don’t come over here, you disabled person”…

I started going to a special needs class.

My school hours were shifted, and I was not allowed to join any club activities. Even the judo I had always stuck to with determination was taken away from me.

I ended up going to “Class 7.” The “normal” kids’ classes only went up to Class 5, so I skipped Class 6 to get to Class 7. I wondered what the point of skipping a class was.

You can imagine how people look at someone who goes to a “different class,” right? I’m sure it’s the same at every school.

“Are you in special needs?”

“Don’t come over here, you disabled person”

“You’re dirty”

The people I’d been friendly with started to distance themselves from me, and I was made fun of. Of course. If a student in your class suddenly starts going to a special needs class, you’re bound to get bullied.

Those who have had similar experiences will understand.

At times like this, I surprisingly don’t get angry or think about getting revenge. Instead, I just feel embarrassed.

Only Tsukada, who I became friends with through judo, was kind to me. One time, I told him I might be in a special needs class, and he said, “Why not? It’s fine.”

I can’t believe how happy that made me. I don’t know his contact details now, but if I could meet him again, I want to properly tell him “thank you.” I want to have the sleepover we couldn’t have that time.

Even when I got home, I didn’t talk about school at all. I tried to act as cheerful as possible, but I’m sure my mother especially noticed. My expression would always be gloomy, and I wouldn’t have time to go out and play with my friends.

I heard this later, but my mother once walked alone along the same route to school that I take every day. Apparently she wanted to at least experience the pain her son feels every morning.

“What have I done?” That’s what my mother said she thought at the time.

My father would blame my mother, saying, “You didn’t raise me right,” and they would often get into fights.

He’s basically a kind person, but he can also be a bit of a patriarch. He was going through a difficult time at work, so I think that’s why he was so stressed out.

My middle brother, who had fought with his friends for me and had been feeling awkward ever since, blamed my mother, saying, “Why did you put Haruki in a special class?”

My brother was the closest in age to me, so he was the one who could really understand how disabled people are treated at school, and that’s why he said that. For the first time since that day, my brother cried for me again.

I understood all too well what my dad and brother were saying, and how my mom felt being blamed for it. But there was nothing I could do.

What on earth could I have done at that time?

I was so embarrassed by the way others looked at me.

The school curriculum changed completely. We had to make plates and sell them at facilities, go skiing with just the classmates, and we couldn’t take any of the classes that normal kids were taking.

What bothered me the most was how others looked at us. Not only at school, but even outside, we were always looked at in a certain way. And that was so embarrassing.

I realized this when I actually started going to school, but the kids in the special classes actually understand how they are looked at. They don’t just come to school every day without knowing why. There was an unspoken understanding, whether they could converse properly or not, that they should “avoid interacting with the kids in the normal classes.”

There was one other thing I realized, and that was that I was overwhelmingly more suited to the special classes. I wanted to be normal, I wanted to be popular. That’s what I said, but deep down, I felt more comfortable here. Maybe that’s to be expected, since it was a group of kids who were similar to me.

It was like I was being made to realize that I was “on this side,” and it was an indescribable feeling.

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